I have a lack of motivation to do anything lately. Maybe it's because I know we're going home soon, and I have this anxiety about it. We havent' been home since March. That's a long time. I think the anxiety is over Doug working in VA until December (far better than until March) The fact I will be alone. Not that I mind being along, but he's essentially half of me. If that makes any sense. We would spend every minute together if we could.. I think part of it is how I felt when I left home to come down here. I had a mild case of PPD, and I think I fear that going back and being alone essentially will trigger it to come back. Never did I think that would happen to me. I'm a very happy person, and when Doug left for SC that cold day in January it felt like my whole world crashed in upon me. I felt suffocated, sad, restless and alone. I cried endlessly, I couldn't find it in me to keep it together. Bailey would cry her innocent newborn cry and I'd cry with her. I felt like a terrible mom to Jesse, who just kept saying "it's ok Mom, it's ok to cry".
I know I'll be fine, and things are different now than they were when Bailey was 4 weeks old. She's nearing 9 months and keeps me so busy all the time! As does Jesse with all of his afterschool activities.
Changing the subject, I had my haircut last week. I had let my neighbor (who just graduated hairschool) cut it in May, and as it grew it just looked awful and it wasn't the cut that I had wanted in the first place. So off I went to a salon that I was recommended to...It turned out wonderful!! I really couldn't be happier with it. Other than it's shorter than it's ever been.
Not the best pics, but you get the idea...
Ok, time for bed. 5 am ZUMBA awaits!
