I have a lack of motivation to do anything lately. Maybe it's because I know we're going home soon, and I have this anxiety about it. We havent' been home since March. That's a long time. I think the anxiety is over Doug working in VA until December (far better than until March) The fact I will be alone. Not that I mind being along, but he's essentially half of me. If that makes any sense. We would spend every minute together if we could.. I think part of it is how I felt when I left home to come down here. I had a mild case of PPD, and I think I fear that going back and being alone essentially will trigger it to come back. Never did I think that would happen to me. I'm a very happy person, and when Doug left for SC that cold day in January it felt like my whole world crashed in upon me. I felt suffocated, sad, restless and alone. I cried endlessly, I couldn't find it in me to keep it together. Bailey would cry her innocent newborn cry and I'd cry with her. I felt like a terrible mom to Jesse, who just kept saying "it's ok Mom, it's ok to cry".
I know I'll be fine, and things are different now than they were when Bailey was 4 weeks old. She's nearing 9 months and keeps me so busy all the time! As does Jesse with all of his afterschool activities.
Changing the subject, I had my haircut last week. I had let my neighbor (who just graduated hairschool) cut it in May, and as it grew it just looked awful and it wasn't the cut that I had wanted in the first place. So off I went to a salon that I was recommended to...It turned out wonderful!! I really couldn't be happier with it. Other than it's shorter than it's ever been.
Not the best pics, but you get the idea...
Ok, time for bed. 5 am ZUMBA awaits!
You are fabulous and beautiful and when you come home you won't be alone, you will have ME! And we will make regular dates to hang out again like we have the past few years you've been here ;-)
ReplyDeleteI've missed you and I can't wait to have my Steph back! And you and Jesse and Bailey can come up to visit me in my new bigger place because now I'll have an extra room for you!
I know you'll do great Steph. And know that you're never alone. I'm sure any of your friends would be there to help in a heart beat. I know what you mean about half of you being gone. My other half will finally be home in October and I can't wait. I don't understand the couples that want nothing to do with each other. Eric and I love to hang out. He'll be home soon and your time together will be that much sweeter having the time apart. (ps, Jesse telling you it was 'ok to cry' made me start crying. Kids can be so understanding in our hard times.)
ReplyDeleteI love love love your hair. It's super sassy and cute. Just fits you to a T. It looks great and you always have the cutest expressions in your pics.
Your motivation will come back Just think of it all as prep for him coming home. ;)