Overcoming Fears and Fears alike....

I've been home for a week now, and I feel like I can never catch a rest! From the moment I walked through the door I've been doing something. Anyway...

Most everyone knew that my job was sending me to Ohio for 4 days with 2 other managers to pick out jewelry for our new store. An amazing opportunity for anybody, and I felt so lucky to have been someone who was able to go. The catch? I had to get on a plane. Now, I haven't flown in 8 years, partly because I haven't had to, and partly because I'm terrified to do so. I catch alot of crap for it, and I'm not entirely sure what it is exactly that terrifies me. I think it boils down to the fact that you're 40,000 feet in the air with no control over your life should something happen. So last Monday was the big day to face my fear for the first time in 8 years. It didn't help that I got sick over the weekend, so I was majorly congested and felt like ass.

We were at the airport at 4:30 a.m....and I had support from more people that I knew. As Doug was routing me on from the car, everyone in the airport was so nice. From statistics, to how many armed marshals are on each flight, nothing was helping my anxiety. So when it came time to board the plane, which I have to point out this was a TINY commuter jet that held 30 ppl max. I hyperventilated, and almost passed out. The flight attendant kicked me off the plane (in a really nice way) and my boss promptly pushed me back on the plane (nicely) and we re-arranged seating order so that he could sit next to me. So I survived the 1.5 hour flight to Cleveland. I have never been so excited to be on the ground. Our trip was fun, and I learned alot about my job, and jewerly. So you'd think that since I flew there, I'd be fine coming home? HAHA~! I drank a couple double's in the airport which I have to say were to expensive, and I swear they weren't doubles!! Unless my anxiety was that bad. None the less, I only cried during take off and landing and didn't hyperventilate mid flight like I did on the way there. There was a guy across the aisle who could see my fear and pretty much talked me through the landing. Apparently he was a fellow commuter. I was almost embarrassed because in all reality it was a pretty smooth flight that had a perfect landing. Sure we hit some bumps going through the clouds, but for being such a small plane it wasn't bad.

In the end, I'm proud of myself for facing my fear, trying to overcome it the best I know how, and looking back, I know I'll have to get on a plane in the future..maybe next time will be better...

Money is the root of all evil.

I hate money. Well okay, I don't hate it. I hate that it controls what you do. There's never enough, and when there is enough something is sure to happen to make it disappear. Everything has payments, interest rates, or just plain costs an outlandish amount. Oh, you'd like to buy that? We'll let you have it for low monthly payments but charge you 26% interest on the remaining balance each month. Kinda makes you think about what you really need.

I'm just generally talking here...I had money on my mind this morning. I crunch numbers. It's what I do. It's what school has taught me. Finance. A couple of buttons pushed and I can tell you how long you'll be in debt and how much money you'll need to make before you can save any. I like numbers. Graduation is upon me this fall, and opening my student loan statements I almost choked on my drink. I knew school was expensive, but my debt is up there. To the point that I could have bought a couple of REALLY NICE cars. OR even almost bought a house. It's disgusting how much I owe for wanting a higher education.

I went back to school to better myself, and give myself and Jesse a better life. Along the bumpy road Doug joined our journey, and now we've added Bailey to it. It's been a long ride, a little rough at times, but I am finally almost done. I can't believe it. In 7 months I will have 2 college degrees. It makes me smile on the inside, even if I owe Uncle Sam alot of money. I did what most people thought I could not. I was a single mom going to school and working. "she won't finish. She'll quit" I heard alot of that. And alot of the time it was hard. Still is actually. 7 classes to go and I do have weeks where I struggle to get homework done.

In the end its all worth it. I did what almost nobody thought I could do, even myself at times. But still...Money is the root of all evil.

When there's nothing left to say

The job front is going well, although my daily 2 hour one way commute is really starting to get to me. I still haven't seen an expense check for my mileage compensation, and my bank account is hurting because of it. I mean, I spend on average 250.00 a week in gas. Sad to say that at least last week I was sick and only went in 2 days. This week is working out the same way, so hopefully it will show up by friday. I know I need it....for my gas tank. gross.

I'm starting to really despise New England. Maybe it's the crappy winter with the ass ton of snow we have. I miss home, but then I think of the rain and I don't miss it so much. I miss the south. I miss the sunshine everyday. I miss the happy nice people everywhere, the sandy beaches, palm trees, and the warm weather. I miss the cheapness of everything too. The northeast is full of angry, snobby, rude people who for the most part have quite a bit of money. They live in their large houses that overlook the river, or ocean and drive Volvos, BMW's, and the like. They snub you on the freeway and act like they own the road just because of what their in. Whatever. It gives me the worst road rage. Don't turn your nose up at me just because your in a Volvo and I'm in a Durango. My Durango will kick your Volvo's ASS! I like my soccer mom SUV thanks.

Bailey is getting quite the attitude. She's so funny and when she gets sassy its really hard to not laugh so she thinks she's being cute and funny. It seems like she's saying a new word everyday, and I look back to how fast she's grown up this year. She's a walking, talking, mini-me. In a few years I'm sure the freckles will sprinkle across her nose and then there will be no mistaken it. ;)

So maybe when there's nothing left to say...just smile.

Is January really almost over?

I haven't had any motivation to blog. I actually haven't had much motivation to do anything. The holidays this year were really tough for me. Every year away from home is tough, but this year just felt different. I didn't have Christmas spirit. However, you would never know it. I put on my big girl panties and dealt with it. Seeing the magic of the season through the eyes of my children made everything better. Jesse even left Santa a note this year with his cookies.

Bailey turned 1 almost a month ago, she's just growing so fast! I can't believe that its already been a year since she was born. She's still a little peanut, but smarter than some adults I know. HAHA!! She's starting to hit that "fearless" stage where nothing can scare her. And as I prepare to re-enter the workforce on monday, I'm terrified to leave her. For the next month I have to make a 2 hour commute to work, meaning I will leave the house before she gets up, and get home as she's about ready to go to bed. Sure, it's only 6 weeks but still!! I know I'll adjust but having spent everyday with her since she was born it's going to be tough on me. She'll be fine I know. She's my little social butterfly who loves most anyone. She doesn't really seem to have seperation anxiety, although that may change when she doesn't see me all day long.

Jesse will be 8 next month. 8!?!? Seriously where does time go? It seems he was just a toddler, and now he's already acting like he's a teenager. Karate keeps him focused, and he'll be starting baseball this year too. He's such a good big brother. He loves Bailey and they have really bonded. She squeals when he comes home from school, and he's to her rescue when she falls down. Now I know this will all change when she's about 4 and driving him nuts. For now I cherish these moments.

So yes, I did find a job. More so, the job found me. They are building a Jared jewlery store not too far from our house, and on a whim I figured I'd hop online and apply. Anyone out there job hunting knows how hard it is to find a job these days. The very next day I got a phone call from the manager stating he had the perfect position for me. Really? So I made my trek to Boston, a lovely 2 hour drive for an interview. Walking in to what I thought was an interview, little did I know I already had the job. How does that even happen? My resume knocked their socks off! I was floored to hear that. Having sent my resume out to a bajillion different prospects. All it takes is one I guess. So, I'm told I'm going to be the IC Manager of the store. What is that exactly? In other words, I'm responsible for all of the money, and jewlery in the entire store. They've even equipped me with my very own office! Now, I've never had my own office. Im' excited, and while the pay isn't exactly what I wanted it's a good starting point. So, for the next 5 weeks I get to keep making that trek to Boston everyday for training. What's better is that their sending me to Ohio ( I know of all places!) to their headquarters to pick out ALL of the jewlery for the store. Company paid, 4 day kid free vacation.

Sounds good, what's the catch? I have to get on an airplane. Anyone who knows me, knows I have this immense fear of flying. In fact, I haven't flown in 8 years. Jesse was 8 months old the last time I was on a plane. It's a short 2 hour flight, and I know I'll be fine. Mind over matter right? It will be a good experience, and I get paid for a full week when we'll only be working a few short hours a day.

Ok, I think I'm caught up now. Time get dressed, it's mommy-Bailey day. I'm seriously having a rough time thinking about being gone all day.